To Catch a Steve
by HannahSakura2010
Summary: England gets a call from one of his citizens who claims to have a way to beat the monster in the mansion. HetaOni AU This is complete crack. NO OCs!


**This is a crossover from Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged series done by LittleKuriboh and Hetalia/HetaOni. It's complete crack. I was bored and this idea popped into my mind. :3 NO OCS! Just read!**

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England knelt on the wood flooring of the huge mansion, nervously casting glances around him. The teen beside him shot him a sideways glance, an annoyed look on his face.

"Will you stop that, wanker?" the white haired boy snapped. "You're making _me_ nervous too!"

"You have good reason to be!" England snarled back, shooting the boy a glare. "That monster could be anywhere! Behind any door! You have no idea!"

The white haired child had _no idea_ the horrors England and his fellow nations had had to endure in this godforsaken mansion over the past few days. That monster, whom America had dubbed "Steve," had a habit of being able to show up anywhere at any time. It had even been known to fall through bloody holes in the bloody ceiling!

When England had received a call from one of his people who said that he had heard about his predicament and might have a solution to it, England had not believed him. The boy, Ryou Bakura by name, had told him that he had a special friend who could randomly control people by the name of "Steve" with a device called the Millennium Rod or something. The two were now in the mansion with him, attempting to hunt down the monster. Japan had offered to join them, as Ryou was half Japanese, and England had readily accepted his offer. Something was bound to go wrong, as it always did where Steve was involved, and England could not protect himself and the two humans alone when said monster inevitably showed up.

The other boy, who looked Egyptian in origin, glanced back at the small group. "Well? Where is he?" the boy asked. At first glance, England had thought the young man was a girl. He had a delicate face and small body, much like China. He had shoulder length blonde hair and lovely violet eyes that were outlined in kohl. He also was wearing a purple top that showed off his midriff. The boy, named Marik, had gotten furious when England had mistaken him for a female, while his companion had laughed hysterically. "It's true, Marik! You really do look like a girl!" Bakura had laughed. Marik pouted. "Am I a pretty girl, at least?" At this, Bakura had blushed and stammered something unintelligible. Luckily for him, this Marik she-male had the attention span of America, quickly getting distracted by his surroundings, and Bakura was saved from answering. It was obvious the two were in love, or at least that Bakura was in love with Marik. Marik seemed to be even more ditzy than Poland.

England got to his feet, cautiously joining Marik out in the hallway, shooting glances all around him. Japan and Bakura followed close behind him. "I don't know where it is. I told you, it just appears randomly. None of us can predict when it will show itself."

Marik brought the Millennium Rod out in front of him and pouted, looking at Bakura. "You said this would be fun and exciting, Bakura!" the boy whined. "I'm bored! I want to fight a monster!"

Bakura sighed. "I'm sure it will be along presently, Marik. We've only been at it for five minutes."

England shook his head. "That's something new; actually _wishing_ the monster would show up," England murmured to Japan. Japan chuckled.

"Indeed, England-san."

At that moment, there was a crash and the sound of a door being opened, and the monster appeared at the end of the hall. The lights flickered and England's eyes widened. "Damn! Well, boys, time to show us if you can really control this thing! Have at it!"

Marik's violet eyes had gone wide at the sight of the monster, and he didn't seem able to move. His mouth hung open in an "O" shape. The beast was steadily making its way towards them.

"_Hurry, you two!"_

"Marik!" Bakura snapped. "Use your Rod!"

Marik seemed to overcome his shock at the sound of Bakura's voice. He straightened up and held out the Millennium Rod. "Halt, Steve! Listen to your master!"

Steve ignored him and kept coming towards them. Beside England, Japan drew his sword. England started chanting a banishment spell.

Marik frowned and stomped his foot. "I said STOP!" The Millennium Rod flashed and…_the monster actually stopped!_

"Bloody hell!" England swore, hearing Japan say something similar in Japanese.

"Hear me, Steve!" the teenager yelled. "You will discontinue terrorizing these good nations and obey MY rod now!"

The monster cocked its head, as if listening to the bloody fool.

"You have a NEW mission now!" Marik commanded. He walked towards the monster, reaching in his pocket and taking out a photograph. England glimpsed it briefly. It was a picture of a midget with an incredible head of hair. His hair was black, outlined in red, and stuck straight up about three feet from the top of his head. His pointy bangs were golden. England had never seen such impressive hair before in his life. He turned to Japan. "He looks like another one of your people." Japan nodded: he had seen the photograph as well.

"This is a boy named Yugi Mutou," Marik informed the monster. "Bakura and I have dedicated our lives to bring this blasted shrimp down! We have even formed an evil council of doom to try to solve the problem! But the boy is being protected by his alter ego, a spirit of an ancient Egyptian pharaoh. I need you to use your skills to help us bring down Yugi Mutou once and for all! Do whatever it takes! Just make sure Yugi and the Pharaoh are no more! And while you're at it, you can even rain hell down on 4Kids headquarters as well! Do you understand your mission, mind slave?"

England blinked at the absurd explanation coming out of the boy's mouth. _Is he stupid? _England wondered, while Japan muttered something about a _Takahashi_ person.

Bakura stepped forward. "And whatever you do, NEVER play a card game with the bloke. You will lose. He is impossible to beat. Just take him out quickly and make sure he is finished!" England just stared at the duo, rendered speechless by the absurdity of their explanations.

Marik nodded. "Are you ready? Then go, my Steve!" Marik actually blew a kiss to the monster. What was more, the monster _got up, walked around England and Japan, completely ignoring them, and went down the hall._ They heard the front door open, and then slam shut. The lights came on again and the temperature rose. England blinked in utter disbelief at the two humans.

"_What the bloody hell did you do you bloody wankers?"_ England yelled. "_How_ did you-" England gave up and just stared in disbelief at the two human teenagers.

"I told you, I can control anyone whose name is Steve!" Marik cackled. Bakura nodded. Marik beamed up at him. "Now we can add that Steve to our evil council, Bakura! We'll be unstoppable!" The boy pumped his fist into the air in excitement.

"Yes, but let's just hope he manages to off Yugi first," Bakura replied. He looked at England and Japan, already looking a little bored himself. "Was that all you needed?"

England sighed. "No there are quite a few more of those kinds of monsters running around in this mansion. Let's just hope they are all named Steve!"

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**Like I said, this was complete crack! If you have no idea what is going on, then go to YouTube and watch a bit of Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged season 2. And I would watch some of HetaOni on YouTube as well. It's amazing! :)**


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